Can I post this?

I'm still questioning whether I should post this. Every couple of months, I feel a little to introspective thinking about life and how I'm not where I expected to be. First problem: too many "I"s in that sentence. I may not be where I expected, but God knows where I am. He sees me. He holds the map. It's even better than a Google Map. It's a God Map. ;)

So here's the real post.

Do you ever feel like you're swimming and not moving?

I feel like I've been in the same place for the last 6 years. I'm coming up on the divider birthday between early twenty's and late twenty's. I'll officially be in my mid-twenties. And it makes me want to run; hard and fast as far as I can go. I feel like I'm missing the milestones that I should have reached at this point. I really didn't plan on making college my career, honest. Yet here I am 6 years into it and I have 2 more to go. And that's just for the BA!

I've never been asked out on a date.

I've been asked to dance once and accepted. Really, I don't bite, I swear. I've been to a lot of dances but in 4-H your chances were slim since there were 3 girls for every guy. Girls in 4-H had to take initiative to get a dance and in my mind that would be "forward". Civil War Balls involved bribing my brother to dance with me if no one asked and then elbowing or tromping on his toes so he would ask since the etiquette required boys to ask.

A boy brought me flowers, once. He was single; he was cute. He was five.

I know a lot of this is my own fault though, there are things about me that need to change.
My grandmother's voice adds to my list: wear brighter colors, wear makeup, smile at boys, flirt, make eye contact. For the record, I do make eye contact. ;)

Someone is getting married. I'm told "All the good ones get taken first". Gee thanks.

"So are you dating yet?" Every time a relative visits, this question never fails to be asked. Note to self: I need more creative answers...

I'm at a wedding (couple years ago) and a newly married friend leans over at the end with a "you'll be next!" Next in relation to what? And here I thought only grandmothery types doled out that one.

I met one other person who had never been asked out. We were both in our early twenties. Less than six months later, she was engaged. God works fast doesn't he! :)

The nice part about starting over in a new place is that no one really knows how old I am unless they ask. Most just assume I'm about 21 since I'm a junior transfer student. And FYI not wearing makeup helps with that assumption.

The funny thing is I like being single. I enjoy my freedom, time and space. I feel that I've used this time wisely. I think the trouble stems from seeing what's important to the world/culture and using that as my measuring stick. I just don't like being thought of as a failure and I feel like the world and even people in the church see me as that.

I'm different. I'm on a special God mission. He has a plan just for me and it doesn't look like anyone else's plan. I may be running right now but I'm running to him.

Commit your way to the Lord, hope in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
- Psalm 37:5-6