To know someone’s name…

I wrote this a couple months ago, but tonight, after chatting with a pastor from church #3, I wanted to revisit this issue.

When I moved to the area, I didn’t think finding a church would be hard. I wasn’t picky. I had my criteria all laid out:

1. Good teaching (preferably expository)
2. Friendly
3. Multi-generational

Yeah… not a lot to work with! I tried out three churches and each one was different. What really made a difference was how I was greeted and welcomed. Not surprising since a The State of the Church (Group Publishing Company, 2009?) found that welcoming/connectedness is one of the top reason a person visiting will stay with a church.

So how did the three churches do?

Church #1 This is a small Baptist church with ~150 members. I came for the main service. I sat down and was greeted by a woman in the pew behind me. She chatted with me for a bit and brought me a welcome packet. Really nice welcome packet, btw. She introduced me to others as well. The pastor came by and said hello. The meet and greet during the service was a little weird at first. Pews emptied as people moved from the front to the back and around greeting everyone. Even the kids were going up and shaking everyone’s hands and saying hello! At the end of the service, I was caught by the 20 something’s leader who invited me on a bike ride that they were having.

Church #2 This a large (2,000+ member) church with senior pastor model. I came for the last service and sat down. No one spoke to me unless they were asking if I was saving seats. During the meet and greet, I didn’t get anyone’s name and no one asked me mine. To the person who said, “Good to see you again”, I resisted the urge to say “have we met before?” If I wasn’t meeting someone after the service, I wouldn’t have met anyone! The entire service was just awkward and I'm not sure why.

Church #3 This is a mid size church that is “non-denominational” that was similar to my home church in teaching and worship. I came in a little late. During the meet and greet, I got some names but I didn’t feel a sense of community.

This made me consider my home church. What would a visitor experience there? Would they feel welcomed or ignored? Connected or drifting? Whose responsibility is it to make the connections and environment welcoming? I didn’t make a lot of meet and greet sessions in the last couple years… usually, I was late to service because of Children’s Ministry (CM). I do know that when I did greet people, I got their names and how long they’ve attended (it’s an easy and polite way to find out if they’re visiting). The goal is to engage them in conversation if possible.

So in case you were wondering, I chose church #1. It’s different from my home church and there’s less temptation to draw comparisons. It’s traditional and conservative which balances with the liberalness of the University. It’s also safe. I’m not jumping into CM or taking on leadership roles. When I left CM, I felt that a six month break was in order. I did some little things here and there for some churches but I needed the time to gain a better perspective. Church #1 is home for this time and this place.