To know someone’s name…

I wrote this a couple months ago, but tonight, after chatting with a pastor from church #3, I wanted to revisit this issue.

When I moved to the area, I didn’t think finding a church would be hard. I wasn’t picky. I had my criteria all laid out:

1. Good teaching (preferably expository)
2. Friendly
3. Multi-generational

Yeah… not a lot to work with! I tried out three churches and each one was different. What really made a difference was how I was greeted and welcomed. Not surprising since a The State of the Church (Group Publishing Company, 2009?) found that welcoming/connectedness is one of the top reason a person visiting will stay with a church.

So how did the three churches do?

Church #1 This is a small Baptist church with ~150 members. I came for the main service. I sat down and was greeted by a woman in the pew behind me. She chatted with me for a bit and brought me a welcome packet. Really nice welcome packet, btw. She introduced me to others as well. The pastor came by and said hello. The meet and greet during the service was a little weird at first. Pews emptied as people moved from the front to the back and around greeting everyone. Even the kids were going up and shaking everyone’s hands and saying hello! At the end of the service, I was caught by the 20 something’s leader who invited me on a bike ride that they were having.

Church #2 This a large (2,000+ member) church with senior pastor model. I came for the last service and sat down. No one spoke to me unless they were asking if I was saving seats. During the meet and greet, I didn’t get anyone’s name and no one asked me mine. To the person who said, “Good to see you again”, I resisted the urge to say “have we met before?” If I wasn’t meeting someone after the service, I wouldn’t have met anyone! The entire service was just awkward and I'm not sure why.

Church #3 This is a mid size church that is “non-denominational” that was similar to my home church in teaching and worship. I came in a little late. During the meet and greet, I got some names but I didn’t feel a sense of community.

This made me consider my home church. What would a visitor experience there? Would they feel welcomed or ignored? Connected or drifting? Whose responsibility is it to make the connections and environment welcoming? I didn’t make a lot of meet and greet sessions in the last couple years… usually, I was late to service because of Children’s Ministry (CM). I do know that when I did greet people, I got their names and how long they’ve attended (it’s an easy and polite way to find out if they’re visiting). The goal is to engage them in conversation if possible.

So in case you were wondering, I chose church #1. It’s different from my home church and there’s less temptation to draw comparisons. It’s traditional and conservative which balances with the liberalness of the University. It’s also safe. I’m not jumping into CM or taking on leadership roles. When I left CM, I felt that a six month break was in order. I did some little things here and there for some churches but I needed the time to gain a better perspective. Church #1 is home for this time and this place.

Can I post this?

I'm still questioning whether I should post this. Every couple of months, I feel a little to introspective thinking about life and how I'm not where I expected to be. First problem: too many "I"s in that sentence. I may not be where I expected, but God knows where I am. He sees me. He holds the map. It's even better than a Google Map. It's a God Map. ;)

So here's the real post.

Do you ever feel like you're swimming and not moving?

I feel like I've been in the same place for the last 6 years. I'm coming up on the divider birthday between early twenty's and late twenty's. I'll officially be in my mid-twenties. And it makes me want to run; hard and fast as far as I can go. I feel like I'm missing the milestones that I should have reached at this point. I really didn't plan on making college my career, honest. Yet here I am 6 years into it and I have 2 more to go. And that's just for the BA!

I've never been asked out on a date.

I've been asked to dance once and accepted. Really, I don't bite, I swear. I've been to a lot of dances but in 4-H your chances were slim since there were 3 girls for every guy. Girls in 4-H had to take initiative to get a dance and in my mind that would be "forward". Civil War Balls involved bribing my brother to dance with me if no one asked and then elbowing or tromping on his toes so he would ask since the etiquette required boys to ask.

A boy brought me flowers, once. He was single; he was cute. He was five.

I know a lot of this is my own fault though, there are things about me that need to change.
My grandmother's voice adds to my list: wear brighter colors, wear makeup, smile at boys, flirt, make eye contact. For the record, I do make eye contact. ;)

Someone is getting married. I'm told "All the good ones get taken first". Gee thanks.

"So are you dating yet?" Every time a relative visits, this question never fails to be asked. Note to self: I need more creative answers...

I'm at a wedding (couple years ago) and a newly married friend leans over at the end with a "you'll be next!" Next in relation to what? And here I thought only grandmothery types doled out that one.

I met one other person who had never been asked out. We were both in our early twenties. Less than six months later, she was engaged. God works fast doesn't he! :)

The nice part about starting over in a new place is that no one really knows how old I am unless they ask. Most just assume I'm about 21 since I'm a junior transfer student. And FYI not wearing makeup helps with that assumption.

The funny thing is I like being single. I enjoy my freedom, time and space. I feel that I've used this time wisely. I think the trouble stems from seeing what's important to the world/culture and using that as my measuring stick. I just don't like being thought of as a failure and I feel like the world and even people in the church see me as that.

I'm different. I'm on a special God mission. He has a plan just for me and it doesn't look like anyone else's plan. I may be running right now but I'm running to him.

Commit your way to the Lord, hope in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
- Psalm 37:5-6